Happy Easter!

Whether you are Christian or not, Easter is a time to celebrate renewal of life.  I personally am reminded that because my Savior, Jesus Christ was resurrected, all mankind may live again after this life and have a body that is immortal.  How blessed we are!  I don't think it is a coincidence that we celebrate Easter during the Spring when life is renewed all over with plants, animals and life all around.  Today is a celebration of life.  I hope you take a moment to watch this video and feel the spirit of love that it offers.

Ebbs and Flows

Learning to thrive when everyone (including myself) got the stomach bug in my family is challenging.  It is a struggle for me to thrive when we're all well.  This past week, we were in maintenance mode, just trying to keep everyone comfortable while this bug passed through us.  Also, quarantining ourselves in order to not share the love. 

Sunday was the first day we stepped out and it was so nice.  I gave a talk in church.  It had been a long time since I last spoke in church.  They asked me a couple weeks in advance so I had a lot of time to study, ponder, prayer and organize my thoughts in a coherent talk.  That would probably be the gift of us laying low last week.  I had to time to think about what matters most in my heart.

What matters most to me is my faith in God and His plan of happiness for all His children.  In my goals to thrive, I've mostly focused on physical health and taking care of my home.  This ebbs and flows as does my spiritually connection to my Father in Heaven.  One thing I do know for myself is that if I don't continue to stay close to the Lord, the rest won't matter.  I feel my best (even with the chaos around me) when my spirit feels strong and healthy.

Of course, how I care for my body and environment effect my spirit too.  There must be balance.  That balance will come as I set my life is order and do what is most important first. 

Anyway, just wanted to drop a quick note.  Off to read scriptures with my family and say our prayers together.  A habit that we have grown to love to do together and it has strengthened our bonds to one another as a family.

Welcome Spring?

 

 

Winter has a difficult time saying goodbye around here.  I'm ready to say goodbye.  We all are.

 

Audrey and I had planned a fun girls tea party for today to welcome Spring. 

 

Instead, Audrey's tummy started to hurt and we postponed the party.

 

Good thing too, she lost her cookies and slept most of the day.

 

Sammy is feeling off as well.  Hmmmmm.... just another sign that Spring needs to come now.

 

How did you welcome Spring?

 

This morning I ran 4 miles.  That is my longest distance so far and I'm excited to continue training for the 10k.  Felt good.  I also have continued to do my morning meditations.  It has been very grounding.

 

Happy Spring!

Cleaning with Children....

Yesterday, I woke up fired up and ready to have a productive day.  Last weekend was busy and our home took the brunt.  In an effort to restore balance and peace in our home, I grabbed a jar and wrote on strips of paper all the rooms in our house.  Then I had every take a turn pulling out a room and then we'd go and clean.

Eliza drew the guestroom!  Woohoo!  That room had turned into a last minute "I'll just stick that in the guestroom and figure out what to do with it later" room.  With the kids help, we had that room in beautiful order in 15 minutes or so.

Audrey drew the upstairs bathroom.  Of we go, Audrey cleaned the cabinets.  Eliza and Samuel helped scrub the tub.  I organized and restored order while helping everyone with their various tasks.  In what felt like no time, our bathroom was shining and beautiful.

Samuel drew the kitchen.  Wowsers.  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the kitchen can fall apart.  Sammy was a bit overwhelmed by this job.  So, why I cleaned an organized the kitchen, Audrey and Sammy switched off doing the dishes and picking up trash.  I set the timer for 5 minutes and when the buzzer went off, they swapped jobs.  It worked out pretty well.  I was happy with getting it cleaned and just mortified by how quickly we look like utter slobs.  Not anymore though.

I then drew the Family Room.   In no time, we restore order.
Michael (with my help) drew the living room.  By this point, the kids were not as excited and it was more of my show but it got done.

I can't complain.  We got a lot done and my favorite part was that we did it together (mostly).  Felt good.  Spring is coming. 

St. Patrick's Day 5K -- I DID IT!!!!

Eliza and Sammy happily waiting for me to arrive.  It was very cold outside.  Doesn't Sammy look like a homeless child?  That shouldn't be funny but it makes me laugh. Love those sweet faces.

Here I am towards the finish line. So happy to see familiar faces.  Like my mask?  I wasn't sure whether to bring it.  I'm so glad I did.  With the wind chill, it felt like -2 degrees outside.  Wow, that is cold. When the wind blew in our faces, I'd hear people groan in pain.  Thankfully, I wasn't groaning, just weezing... hehe.  Oh and I'm not as fat as I look, I'm wearing a sweatshirt under my St. Patrick's Day shirt. :)

37.21 minutes to do the 5K.  I was really happy with that.  I felt soooo slow when people were going past me.  But I stayed steady and didn't stop to walk until a little after 2 miles.  I still have some residual gunk in my chest and it was making it a bit difficult to breath. I think I may have walked a total of 5 minutes here and there.  Maybe not even that much.  I don't know.  I'm not going to complain.  It was cold, I'm barely over a cold and my phone died so I didn't have music to listen to, and many other things that came up that made me wake up this morning feeling unsure but I did it anyway and I'm proud and grateful I did.

My little fans were cheering me on when I ran passed them.  It really warmed my heart.  I asked Jared if he coached them to to cheer me on but nope, it came from their hearts.  They ran to me afterwards and were so proud of me.  It felt great.  Can you believe that crazy people in Fargo run in this weather!?!  Now, I'm one of them and proud of it, don'tcha know. ;)

 

Totally worth it.  Afterwards, I went to a local restaurant/bar and got my favorite chicken tortilla soup to take home.  It was heavenly to my cold body. Then I hopped in the shower and warmed my muscles then massaged oil into my muscles to help them recover.  I'm sure I'll be fine. 3.1 miles isn't that far but it is the first step in a very wonderful direction in my life.  On to do more 5K runs in the future and train for the 10K in May at the Fargo Marathon.  EEEK. :)

 

 

****** FYI, in my last post, I changed the candida questionnaire.  I wasn't happy with the link I had initially.  So, if you want to take a different questionnaire, check it out.


****** Day 6 - 21-Day Meditation.  Today was just what I needed.  Focused on relaxing all the different parts of my body and expressing gratitude for them.  The centering thought was: "I am perfect. I am healthy.  I am strong."  Just what I needed to keep my mind on today for the run.    

 

Candida Cleanse -- Long post

In January I was introduced to Candida cleansing from a friend.  I'm familiar with Candida but never thought about doing a cleanse before until it was presented to me.  Candida is a yeast-y bacteria that feeds off of sugar.  It is found in the colon and is good if kept at bay.  There are many ways that candida can form an overgrowth (antibiotics, poor diet, etc...) and it will spread throughout the body.  A few of the symptoms are: fatigue, yeast infections, sugar cravings, fuzzy brain, weight problems,  you get the idea.  You can take a questionnaire online and see if your physical ailments are caused from candida overgrowth.

How to do a Candida Cleanse?  Well, while researching I discovered that there are many ways to rid your body of candida.  One way that has worked for many people is using coconut oil.  I'll have to dedicate a post to just talk about coconut oil, it is AMAZING.  In connection with candida, you would take a therapeutic amount of coconut oil daily (slowly work up to 3 tablespoons a day) and do so until your symptoms go away. 



Coconut oil is antimicrobial and when you get a therapeutic amount of it, it will kill the candida.  I did this for a while and I definitely felt improvement in my digestion, energy level but I still craved sugar and carbs. 

So, I decided to start using essential oils (are you surprised?) to treat my candida.  There are several suggested blends of oils to take internally to kill the candida.  While reading up on everything, I made my own blend. 

Before I proceed, I want to say that I was prayerful in what to take.  The Essential Oils handbook recommended diluting the oils in a carrier oil (like olive oil or grapeseed oil) because the strength of the essential oils are intense.  When I took the questionnaire for candida, I was ranked very high on it.  This is a big problem for me.  So I decided to do it neat (without carrier oils).  If you decide to do this, please further your research or pray about it to know what is best for you.  It isn't going to hurt you, but you may start detoxing so intensely that it is extremely uncomfortable. Feel free to contact me too and I am happy to help you figure out what approach may be best for you. :)

So this is what I did:



I purchased a lot of capsules to put the EO in. 

 

 

6 drops of Oregano. In connection with candida, it is antibacterial, antifungal, anti-parasitic, anti-inflammatory.  THIS KILLS BAD THINGS!!!!  On a side note, oregano helps with allergies.  Years ago, I would put it under my tongue and it burns like no other but my allergies improved.  After doing this cleanse, I went to a friend's how today with cats and a dog (I'm very allergic to cats and dog fur and I didn't have a single symptom.  That is unheard of for me)

 



2-3 drops of Grapefruit.  In connection with candida (and because I want to shed fat from my body), it is a metabolic stimulant, antiseptic, detoxifying, diuretic, fat dissolving, cleansing for kidney, lymphatic and vascular system, antidepressant. I LOVE GRAPEFRUIT EO.  I put it in my water to drink as well.  Wonderful stuff.

 



 

2-3 drops of Lemon.  This is more for digestion and losing weight as well.  My candida really shows in my weight so I wanted to combat my weight on many angles.  Lemon is antiseptic, immune stimulant (increases white blood cells), helps with obesity, parasites, digestive problems. (FYI... when a person struggles with candida, parasites often are present as well.  Gross, I know.  I have no idea if I have that problem)

 



2 Drops of Clove. Clove is anti-aging, antimicrobial, antifungal, antiviral, anti-inflammatory, stomach-protectant (ulcers).  Used for intestinal parasites.

 

 

2 Drops of Thieves.  Blend of Clove, Lemon, Cinnamon Bark (antibacterial, antiviral and antifungal), Eucalyptus (antibacterial, antiviral, and anti-inflammatory), Rosemary (antiseptic and antimicrobial)

 

 

So, I basically took a very powerful all natural "potion" to kill off all that Candida.  AND IT WORKED!!! Like the routine I mentioned in my post about Chest Colds.  I'd have my probiotics in the morning with my kefir (and I took some probiotic supplements as well to really boost that good bacteria in my body).  But to allow the probiotics to really be a blessing to my body, I wouldn't take the EO blend until the evening before I went to bed.  Then I let those good guys go fight my fight.

 

The first thing I noticed was I immediately had no desire for sugar.  NONE.  It was more social pressure that I had to work with.  My appetite decreased.  TRULY.  It was incredible to me.  The result was so drastic.  I would still put coconut oil in my green smoothies as well because it is soooooo good for our body.  But it was the essential oil that really made the difference.  

 

I've been eating extremely healthy which starves the candida as well but it hasn't been a challenge.  My body doesn't desire sugar. 

 

As far as how long to do this.  I just listened to my body.  I started out filling 2 capsules full of EO and taking it orally every night.  With 3 days, I experienced the "die off" which isn't pleasant.  It's when you body starts to detox when all the candida is dying.  If you detox too quickly, it can be rough.  I also noticed that my kidneys were achy a little bit.  I didn't feel like I was damaging anything but I also wanted to respect my body and so I went to 1 capsule and took some supplements to help my body eliminate the toxins more quickly.  Bentonite clay was one thing I used to help my body have a more graceful die-off. 

 

After a few more days I went back to 2 and did that for a week or more.  Then I went back to one capsule a day.  Just a couple days ago, I went to make it and I just felt done.  I can't explain it.  My body felt done.  Its nice to trust that my body will tell me what it needs. 

I did this for 3 weeks and my body shed off 9 lbs off my body.  It is being soooo good to me.  I'm very happy with how I'm feeling.  I'm grateful to have a knowledge of essential oils.  They are a gift from God.

***** Day 4 and 5 of the 21-Day Meditation was great!  I hope you'll check it out. 
******** Tomorrow is my 5K run.  We just had a huge storm today in Fargo.  We'll see how tomorrow looks.  I bought some warm gear to run in but we'll see.  I'll let you know.  If I run it, then I think I pass the test of being true North Dakotan. :)  Maybe I should say a true Califordakotan.  I dunno. :)

Day after taking Bentonite Clay

I said I would follow up on how it went.  Well, I'm still in the process but I wanted to mention that one of the first things I noticed was I was extremely thirsty.  So I drank a quart more of water than usual.  As I slept last night, I would occasionally wake up and notice that my lungs were slowly clearing up.  This morning, Jared noticed a drastic difference in the sound of my voice and countenance. I felt much better. Not 100% but recovering more quickly than if I let it be. 

I decided to do another dose of it tonight and took 4 capsules filled with the clay.  That is the way to do it in my opinion.  Last month, I tried putting a tbsp. of clay in water and mixed it.  It just clumped up and I couldn't gag it down.  Capsules are better.  Just drink lots of water with it. 



Here's a great description of how it works from the book "Living Clay":

"Adsorption describes the process by which the charged particles of other substances combine with the charged particles on the outer surface of the clay molecule. Bentonite clay molecules carry a negative electrical charge while toxins, bacteria, viruses, parasites and other impurities carry a positive charge. When the clay is taken into the human body, the positively charged toxins are attracted to the negatively charged surfaces of the clay molecule. The clay molecules act like a magnet, attracting and holding the toxins and impurities to its surface, and removing them when the clay is removed or expelled. That is why it is important to drink plenty of water after ingesting living clay, to help expel the now toxic clay.

Absorption is a slower and more complex process. Acting like a sponge, the Bentonite clay molecule draws other substances into its internal structure. Absorbent clays have a charge on their inner layers. This means that charged ions sit between the layers of the clay molecule surrounded by water molecules. The clay expands as foreign substances are absorbed and fill the spaces between the clay molecule's stacked layers. Absorbent clay will absorb positively charged toxins and impurities and ignore negatively charged nutrients. Calcium Bentonite clay is by far the most effective clay, with the strongest drawing power."

I need to buy this book now.  I'm just starting to learn about this clay myself but I have known people use it to wash their hair, brush teeth (sounds nasty in my opinion but maybe I'll try it one day, we'll see), do masks, or put it on their stomach over their intestines to draw out diseases.  It is amazing what it can do.


*** Day 3 of 21-Day Meditation -- went well.  I woke up this morning before everyone else and was able to do the meditation in peace and quiet (until I felt a presence and opened my eyes to see Sammy.  I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest, man!).  The most powerful part of my meditation this morning was that while I was putting my focus on the mantra to open my 3rd eye chakra, I suddenly had an image of myself vibrant, healthy and strong.  It was very clear and real to me and gave me a sweet hope for my future as I continue this path of learning to thriving by living a healthier/more balanced life style. You can jump on in anytime with the 21-Day Meditation.  It's free and only lasts for 16 minutes. 

Chest Cold and how I'm fighting it...

My sweet husband shared his chest cold with me.  It hit me full force yesterday and I'm continuing to fight it today.  Here is what I'm doing to fight it off:  

1) First thing I have in the morning (after drinking a whole lot of water) is have a cup of Kefir. This is already a habit of mine but I know it's going to fill my gut with good probiotics to help my digestion and improve my immune system. (I'm going to get some kefir grains and start making my own. More economical and from what I see, it is super easy)


2) I make a quart of green smoothie and drink it all.  Well, Eliza and Sam usually want a sip but I drink the majority of it.  Mine aren't usually green because I put in frozen berries.  I put in Kale for my greens usually because it is richly dense with vitamins and minerals. :) This is also a daily habit I've had for almost a year.
3) For lunch, I've been eating a HUGE salad.  I mean, I chop up an entire head of romaine (sometimes mix it with other spring greens and basil).  Then I chop up a tomato, green onion, sprinkle kelp granules, avocado (if I have any on hand. The salad is so creamy), some nuts and/or beans and feta cheese (because I want to).  Then I splash some lemon juice, apple cider vinegar and flaxseed oil.  This meal completely satisfies me for the rest of the day. 

4) Since I've been sick, I've been drinking heated up broth in place of supper.  I'm not really hungry but the broth feels wonderful.

5) I also make myself lemon honey tea and drink lots of it.  Lots of water!!!!

6) I have been taking a tsp of apple cider vinegar straight.  Wowsers, that is strong but it really helps the body ward of illness and restores a healthy pH balance in the body and improves metabolic rate. It can do way more than that. Wonderful stuff.

7. Specifically for my cold, I've been rolling on my sinus and chest, Breath Again Essential oil blend.  I've been sniffing and putting on my chest and feet Eucalyptus EO (this helps break up mucus) and Peppermint (helps magnify other oils and with respiratory problems).  I've also been using the RC blend which stands for "respiratory condition".  It helps with breathing.    



8. Giving myself permission to rest and let my children play around me.  They have been very creative today building forts and enjoying the time together using their imaginations.  They also enjoy snuggling with me.  They've been sick too but it hasn't wiped them out like me. 

9. Because I'm so anxious to get this cold out of my system, I just started today and put some Bentonite clay in capsules and took it internally.  The negative charges of the clay attracts the charges of toxins in the body.  They bind together and exit your body because our body isn't able to absorb clay.  It's an ancient practice that is starting to get more attention again.



I'll let you know how it helps me.  I have my 5K run this Saturday and want to feel "tip top" for it. :)
I was a little surprised that I even got sick.  I've been eating extremely well and taking very good care of my body.  The only thing I can think of is that I had a minor medical procedure done last week and they gave me antibiotics through an IV.  Antibiotics weakens the immune system.  Luckily with all the kefir and good food I've been taking, I feel like my strength will return quickly. 





 ***** I did Day 2 of the 21-day Meditation Challenge.  My children were feeling a need to be near me so it was more difficult to focus today.  I think I may do it again tonight as I go to sleep. If you haven't looked into it yet, it's worth a try.  It is free.  The whole thing lasts 16 minutes which is a nice jumpstart. 

21-day Meditation

A friend of mine posted about Deepak and Oprah coming together to offer a free 21-day meditation.  If you wish to participate, here is the link: http://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=178

 

I just jumped right in.  It starts today but you can come in at anytime.  If you're familiar with yoga or meditation practices, it is very grounding and relaxing.  Typically you focus on just one thought.  Deepak gives you a Sanskrit mantra to repeat in your mind.  It was soothing and the meaning of the mantra is powerful.  If this sounds like your cup of tea, feel free to do it with me.

 

I've decided this will be part of my preparation for Spring.  To clear and strengthen my mind. Love to you all! :)

 

 

*** a dear old friend of mine, just sent me a couple links about the importance of meditation from an LDS perspective.  Here are the links:  http://www.ldsaliveinchrist.com/2007/12/teachings-of-the-prophets-harold-b-lee-on-meditation/

 

 

http://emp.byui.edu/SATTERFIELDB/PDF/Quotes/Pondering.pdf

Giving birth to a pickle

A while back, I had a brother who was hospitalized.  He made light of the serious situation and described to me the aftermath of being extremely dehydrated.  The nurses wanted to know when he had a BM but it wasn't likely since he couldn't keep hardly anything down.  Then one day he felt something "stirring" (his words).  He went to the restroom and went through the painful process of "giving birth" to a "pickle". 

Ofcourse, his story cracks me up whenever he retells it.  I also know how horrible that is.  I share this story with you now because my little girl struggles with using the bathroom.  I have spent a good portion of this morning holding my daughter and comforting her while she fought the inevitable discomfort.  She gasped, hiccupped, trembled and held on to me while I encouraged and loved her.  It was hard for me to not cry because there was nothing I could do to help her with the pain.  She had to go through the process and as her Mother, I was able to offer her emotional and literal support.

Now she's in the bathtub relaxing after her triumph.  I think we need to reevaluate her diet.  This girl loves her cheese.  Time to start rationing. Also, this more crude life experience is a great example of allowing our children to go through experiences and not taking the consequence away but offering the love and support they need to safely pass through the experience. 

Gratitude

Winter is finally coming to a close (even if it'll be awhile before we can tell around here... snow is still all over), and the temperature is now hovering around 19 degrees or so, I feel grateful for what I've learned these past few months.  I'm not sure I can even articulate what exactly I've learned.  The best I can say is that I'm getting more comfortable in my own skin.  I feel hope that my potential is not limited.  I believe and have faith that it is through Christ that I will realize my potential. 

I may not look different from the surface but within my heart, there has been a change.  A seed has been planted.  I'm so looking forward to Spring and all it's beauties.  I am excited to see what Spring will bring for me and my family. 

With the perspective of Winter, Spring is glorious.  We sometimes complain about opposition but without it, we would have no joy.  Winter gives us that gift to appreciate the warmth of Spring and Summer.  Likewise, the "winter" season in our personal lives gives the brighter days more meaning and value. 

I'm grateful to our creator who designed this world in such a way to provide us Seasons to not only enjoy but to teach us deeper lessons on life and happiness.

Witnessed the fruits of discipline

During our retreat, we went to two free concerts at the U of M.  One was German Operatic performance (more classical style singing but it felt operatic to me with my untrained ear).  The next night we were treated to hear identical twin sisters from Yugoslavia (or thereabouts) play a number of pieces with classical guitars.  My word, they were incredible.  The hall was packed and their sweet, wholesome spirits radiated through their extremely talented performance.  We left uplifted and overjoyed to have been apart of such a experience.  Their names are Tanja and Darka Miric (just incase they are famous someday).

What struck me was the amount of work, focus, discipline and patience that these sisters had to go through on a daily basis from the time they were young in order to perform with such precision.  This performance was apart of their doctoral program.  I can't imagine having a identical twin, let alone having the exact same passion in life as anyone of my siblings.  I wonder the years they may have fought or were frustrated with the other and the possible jealously if one was excelling more than the other. 

If they did struggle through the years, it did not show.  All we saw were polished performers that truly reflected genuine goodness, enthusiasm and love for each other.  The audience was sucked into their sweet charm and our applauses returned a most energetic appreciation. If there were hard times and great sacrifices (I imagine there must've of.  That is the price we pay for greatness), it had paid off.

I look at these sisters and am inspired that with the same focus and discipline, I may have something truly great to offer this world.  Even if it is something small, I'll be grateful (I hope I will be). 

Not Shrinking with the Welcome of Spring

"... as we confront our own lesser trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that we “might not … shrink”—meaning to retreat or to recoil (D&C 19:18). Not shrinking is much more important than surviving! Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus."  

- Elder Neal A. Maxwell talk on

"Apply the Atoning Blood of Christ"

 

I heard that quote this past weekend and it has stayed with me throughout this week.  In an earlier post, I spoke of the deep reflection that comes from the Winter Season.  I have become more aware of where I fall short and what struggles I have the wonderful opportunity to grow from.  Just like farmers and gardeners everywhere are taking this time to make plans for how they are going to do their crops this growing season, I am starting to lay out plans on what I would like to develop during this "growing season".

 

For March, it is still too cold to go outside, so I'm going to focus on preparing for Spring from the inside.  Here are some things I plan to do this month to help me not "shrink" as I confront this next month:

• Essentially Spring cleaning.  I'm going to sort through my all the toys in the house and decide with my children which toys to keep and what to set aside for rotation and what needs to be passed on to another child.
• Sort through all our clothes.  Same idea as the toys; what to keep, what to set aside for Michael and Eliza to grow into and what my babies have outgrown and will need to be passed on or thrown out.
• Pick cupboards and storage space in my house and decide what to keep and what must go.
• Continue to help my body heal.  I would like to do a juice fast or something of that kind to help clear my body out before Spring.  It is good to do seasonal cleanses to boost the body's immune system during a seasonal change.  During season transitions is when we often get sick.
• While I'm prepping my home and body for Spring, I'm going to set more concrete goals for what to accomplish during Spring.  What seeds must I plant?  I will make that decision more definitively this month.

To go back to the quote above, I love this thought of drinking the bitter cup without becoming bitter.  Especially in Fargo where the Winters are long, it is a struggle for us to not get bitter from the bitter cold we feel in January and February.  It is harsh.  We are literally desperate to feel the warmth of the sun.  People are prone to seasonal depression around here from the lack of warmth and light.  Thoughts can turn dark. 

 

I would say I'm mostly a positive person but I too struggle to stay optimistic when I have been cooped up too long and my pale skin starts to reflect light. I know this quote stretches beyond just seasonal trials and I can apply it to many facets of my life.  For my focus right now, I'm going to choose to not shrink from the darkness of Winter but arise up this Spring happy, refreshed and ready to start a wonderful season of warmth, love and hope.   



Mind Over Matter

 

 

Last Saturday during our "Courage Retreat", I got up early to run on the treadmill in the hotel's gym.  I'm following a training program to help me be ready to run the 5K by March 16th.  On that day, I was scheduled to run longer than I had yet.  I was to run 8 minutes/ walk 1 minute x 5. 

 

I was the first in the little gym.  I put on some Lenny Kravitz to keep my body moving.  It started out great.  A man comes in who looked like a short Anderson Cooper and he starts running next to me.  My young girl self felt the sudden urge to prove that I was stronger and tougher than that dude next to me.  I was.

 

While me and Anderson-look-alike were running, a very skinny lady comes in.  She was obviously an avid runner.  My confidence was suddenly shaken by her presence.  I felt that same young girl inside of me want to get off the treadmill and let the person who knew what she was doing, do it.  But I didn't.

 

She asked when we'd be done.  I was at 15 minutes at this point. I turned around and said I was going for 45 minutes.  Now the pressure was on.  I could not slack off or fail.  The lady would come in and out every few minutes for the remainder of my run.  While she stepped out, Anderson-look-alike got off and a big old, grandpa type came in.  Now my young self was thinking, "I don't want to look like this guy when I'm old."  Not a kind thought, for sure.  But it motivated me.

 

My mind started to turn towards the situation on a whole.  I felt vulnerable.  I had a goal that I wasn't sure if I could do but I so desperately wanted to.  I just put myself above someone else which is awkward territory for me.  Usually I put myself last.  I was pushing back guilt by reminding myself that I needed to be on the treadmill.  My children need me to be healthy.  This Grandpa next to me needed to be on the treadmill too.  We were united in an effort to improve the quality of our lives.  I do not need to apologize for asking this lady to wait her turn.  Her turn would come.

 

On a whole, I was surprised that I was able to do the run without much difficulty.  My body felt fine.  It was my mind that was getting the true workout.  When I reached my goal of running for 45 minutes and then doing the cool down, I was grinning from ear to ear.  My heart was full of love, gratitude and righteous pride.  I ran a total of 3.6 miles, further than my 5K race.  I DID IT!!!!!!

 

When I got off, I walked over to the lady and said, "Thank you for your patience.  I needed to reach my daily goal.  I just ran longer and farther than I ever have before. I'm so happy."  She looked at me and replied with a smile, "I'm so glad you didn't stop for me."  What a nice lady.

Courage Retreat

Story Time: On our courage retreat, we went to the Mill City Museum in Minneapolis.  The Gold Medal Mill was destroyed by a horrible fire in 1991 (I think that is the correct date) and was restored and is now a museum reflecting the wonderful history of the Twin Cities and the great industry of wheat milling that fed the world.  The tour was entertaining and fun!  Also, the entire museum smells like freshly baked bread.  That alone won my heart. :)

 

Norma, Mom and I decided a little over a month ago to have a quick getaway to the Twin Cities to just be together and do whatever.  Unfortunately, with such short notice, none of my sisters in-law were able to join us.  In the future, it is my hope that we'll be able to get all of us Gilstrap women together to reconnect and enjoy some time together without the busy noise of daily life.

 

Norma found a few spots that looked interesting to visit, I made all the food in advance and our Mom came ready to fill us with her love, laughter and wisdom.  Norma coined this getaway a "Courage Retreat" to celebrate all the courageous acts we performed throughout the past year.  We sat and discussed what those moments were and how it impacted us for the better.

 

I won't share what Norma and Mom's courageous moments were because that is their business.  I will say that their courage inspires me. For myself, it was giving birth to Michael and being courageous enough to decide to have my tubes tied. Also embarking on the road of helping my body heal and improving the quality and quantity of what I fuel my body with. Setting a goal and preparing to run in races (a somewhat scary thought to me).  And we all seemed to agree that waking up every morning to taking care of my four little ones was courageous enough as it is.

This retreat was exactly what my spirit needed to end February and welcome March.  My goals for February proved to be more emotionally challenging than I anticipated.  Showing love to others is easy for me.  Expressing love towards myself was surprisingly painful.  Thankfully while with Mom and Norma, I felt that just taking the time to be with them gave me space to feel love for the soul that I am and the courage I've been endowed with thrive in life.  

I'm grateful to share blood with these fine women and to claim them as family.  I'm so blessed.

*I'll be sharing more about our trip throughout this week.