Love to those who have passed on: George

This is my Great-uncle George Brown.  He was a grumpy old soul.  He burned many bridges because of his pessimism and distrustful nature.  I don't think he was always that way.  He worked hard all his life and was apart of many wonderful experiences. 

For a living, he worked in Hollywood back in the "good ole days" doing special effects.  George had a brilliant mind.  He did effects for most John Wayne movies, The Searchers and I'm sure you've all seen Mary Poppins. 

As a child I would have him tell me all about working on Mary Poppins. What was Julie Andrews like to work with?  Answer: frustrating because she was too proper to let him in her dressing room to measure her so he could build the right harness to keep her upright while flying.   He had an opinion about most of the actors of that time period.

Anyway, the tragedy of his life was that he and my great-aunt Fae made big plans for retirement.  He worked hard to ensure that they would have no cares while they grew old together.  Right before retirement, Fae got sick and he started to lose his eyesight.  He cared for his wife until she died and then lived alone while life became darker with his vision.  George felt like life cheated him.

 

Story Time: I know the post is an entire story but I wanted to point out my Aunt Fae's hair.  See the braids?  She was too sick to do her own hair so George braided her hair everyday for her until she passed.  There is so much love from that simple act.  He knew she wanted to look nice and he honored that.  (Also picture is my Uncle Thom, cousin Clayton, me and my Mama)

For some reason, as a little 3 year old, I won his heart.  It was luck perhaps because few had such an honor.  He loved me and I loved him.  I still love him.  He may have been a grump but the way he showed his love was through giving others experiences. 

Right before my mission, George called me up and told me he bought a car.  "Why would you buy a car when you can't see George?" I asked him.  "Well, I thought you could drive me to Oklahoma before you leave for that mission of yours," he replied.  I thought it sounded like fun but I was nervous driving a 96 year old man around.  He worked with a guy and made all the arrangements.  He didn't just want to get to Oklahoma, he wanted to share with me his life story.

We went to the Grand Canyon (pictured above).  I had never been there before or since.  Beautiful.  Next stop, Monument Valley where he worked on The Searchers.  The rock formations were incredible.  Then we drove to Colorado where he was born and raised (Fruita and Grand Junction). I saw the house he was born in and some of his old haunts.  Finally we landed in Oklahoma. 

What I remember most were our conversations.  He didn't believe in God.  Life was a rotten joke in his view.  I was so grateful he couldn't see because as he shared his life with me, tears streamed down my eyes. How can a 96 year old man completely miss all the beauty that life had?  I don't mean to make it sound like it was all negative.  We laughed together too.  Mostly from my efforts to get him to smile.  Which he would.

I left on my mission.  We sent tapes to each other since he couldn't read.  My last tape I sent him, I felt impressed to share with him my belief that we will live after this life and be reunited with our families.  I told him that I knew I'd see him again and that I loved him.  Unbeknownst to me, he was in the hospital when he got the tape.  My Mom played it to him and when he heard me tell him that I loved him, he cried.  He then told my Mom that there was nothing after this life.  My Mom made the point that one of us is right.  George said, "I hope you are." 

A week before I returned from my mission, he passed away.  Boy did I cry.  I ached to see his "old and moldy" face, hear his gruff voice and do everything I could to make him laugh.  He was a great challenge that I enjoyed breaking him down and making him feel happiness.  He gave me so much.  I learned that we can love anyone, even those that are difficult.  Also, life is to short to wait until we're old to travel.  We must seize the day and be happy with all the tremendous gifts we have.  There are many.  George had much to be grateful for.  I'm grateful for him.  I'll see him again.    

I think I can... I think I can... I think I can...

This month I have felt like a little engine that can but instead of doing, I've just looked at where I'm small and weak.  The little engine wasn't anything particularly special but it was his drive and willingness that brought about a great good. 

So, when I have felt my insignificance, I have tried to tell myself "I think I can"-type affirmations.  I will become a disciplined person.  I can do all things in Christ which strengthenth me.  I will get my body back.  I can live a life of order.  You get the idea. 

Maybe that is part of Winter.  It is a time for deep reflection.  Not necessarily a time to beat up on myself but to quietly and truthfully reflect on where I am at in this current phase in life.  Evaluate how I am developing myself and begin to reshape myself by planting the thoughts and ideas that I can work on through Spring and Summer months. 

I will continue to strive to reflect and set goals that will be nurtured in the coming months.  For now, I will sleep and dream of the beauty that is to come in my life.    I think I can.... I think I can..... I think I can..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... 

Love Thy Neighbor

 Part of our "love month" was to share our love and appreciation for neighbors.  The kids (mostly Audrey) and I enjoyed making fruit baskets with great stickers I printed out from Twig & Thistle.  The stickers have great little sayings to match the fruit like, "Orange you glad you're my Valentine?" or "You're the Apple of my eye" or "I love you, berry berry much!", etc. 

We have been blessed with wonderful neighbors.  We wish there was more time to get to know them all.  It seems my little world is so busy that it is nice to take hold of these opportunities during a holiday to show that we care and are grateful to be in this neighborhood.

The kiddos were also able to make valentines and be a part of a couple parties to exchange valentines.  It was sweet to watch the excitement they had to share their love with friends.  We've been discussing the importance of friends, family, neighbors and why we need to make an effort to show our love and appreciation. 

My hope and prayer is that my children will value the relationships in their lives and make them a priorities over frivolous things.  I hold that prayer for myself as well.  I don't ever want to lose sight on what is important.

Story Time: When we were shopping to get ready to deliver our baskets.  At our last store, the kids could no longer maintain their behavior (there were awesome up until Costco).  Michael was screaming.  Samuel ran to the bathroom while I was checking out.  When I went to get him, he locked the door and was taking his sweet time.  Then Audrey had to use the bathroom and proceeded to sing at the top of her lungs for all to hear.  Michael's patience was gone.  Mine was thinning by the minutes.  Thankfully those around me just gave sympathetic smiles and I'm sure they were wondering how I do it.  That question crossed my mind as well.  In the end, totally worth it. :)

Discipline in action...

I want to write an awesome post about my productive/disciplined day but I got home from a massage appointment later than usual and need to sleep.  Must be strong.  Good night, y'all.

Making Weaknesses Strong

This past week rocked me emotionally.  The goal was to focus on my gifts but it seemed that my weaknesses were blaring in my face.  It is hard to look at raw realty of where I fall short and the consequences of my weaknesses. 

Lack of discipline and consistency is something I have struggled with my entire life (except as a missionary, I did well).  This time of painful honesty with myself has brought about strong conversations with Jared about various goals or dreams/hopes I have for our family and that I need to overcome this if I'm going to realize my goals and desires.  While setting goals for myself and announcing them to everyone on here, it has helped me to improve but I still have a long way to go. 

I'm so grateful that Jared is my husband.  He is strong where I am weak.  On the flip side, I'm strong where he is weak.  So enough of my struggles, on to the good stuff.  A few things that I love about myself:

• I have been blessed with a gift to facilitate others in the healing process.
• I have been blessed with a heart that is able to feel tremendous love for a lot of people.
• I have been blessed with a forgiving heart.
• I have been blessed with empathy.
• I have been blessed with the gift to be silly and laugh at life.
• I have been blessed with a love of learning.  I thirst after knowledge.

One other thing that I love about myself that I believe will help me overcome my weaknesses is I have been blessed with faith in Jesus Christ.  There is a scripture found in the Book of Mormon that I find comfort in.  In Ether 12:27, it reads:



I believe that as I make time and sincere effort to come closer unto Christ, He will show me my weaknesses.  Not to make me feel helpless.  No, so I may humble myself and ALLOW Him to help me become strong.  I must do my part in order to be moldable. Lots of humility is needed.  I have to get over myself and what I perceive myself to be.  I must trust that what He sees is greater than what I see.

To become a disciplined and consistent person is a critical part of my journey to thriving.

Life is great! :) 

Start a Love Train

Story Time: I own lots of 70's clothes.  As a teenager, 70's was my go to outfit for Halloween and dress up parties.  I celebrated my 20th birthday at a roller skating rink with my hair in a fro and wearing fantastic bright clothes and platforms dancing (and falling on my butt) while skating.  My sister and I had a 70's theme Thanksgiving that rocked our world.  I was born in the wrong decade.  70's music hits my soul in a place nothing can.  "Love Train" is one of my favorite songs.  I had our wedding DJ play it at the reception.  LOVED IT!!! It makes me want to get down a groove soul-train style (like I did at my friend Tiff's house growing up with her parents).  The message is also important to me... Love to all mankind throughout the world.  Beautifully fun! 

As I've organized goals for the month, here are some activities I'd like to do:

• Spend a week focusing on what we love about ourselves.  Celebrate what we have been divinely blessed with.  We must recognize our talents and gifts in order to use them to bless others.  It's important to show gratitude for those gifts as well.  How sad if all we saw were our shortcomings and didn't take time to feel the joy of all the good we have within us because of a loving Father in Heaven.
• 2nd week focus on what we love about our family and send notes to them
• Make Valentine's Boxes with my kids so we can write love notes to each other and express what we value in each other. 
• 3rd week focus on what we love about our friends and express our love to them through notes and gifts.
• 4th week focus on our wonderful neighbors and express that appreciation for having them in our lives.
• Make Valentine decorations with the children to create open dialogue on love and what it is that we love about each other, life and how to express it not just in February but always.
• I'm going to make more of an effort to write in my journal about the blessings  I receive daily and in my prayers express my love to God for ALL the many blessings and tender mercies He offers me. 

This may sound cheesy but

 I hope you join me on this "Love Train".

(Yep, that's horribly cheesy!  Totally worth it.)

Charity

"Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself.  And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again... Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.  Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings, and having patience with someone who has let you down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped.  Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing  to forgive someone who has hurt us.  Charity is expecting the best of each other."

 

- Marvin J. Ashton 

Goodbye January/Welcome February

January has been a great experience while I've focused on improving my sleep.  Overall, I would say it was successful.  My children are sleeping better.  I'm waking up in the morning surprised that I slept all night.  I feel much more rested.  This past week, though, was not my finest in regard to going to bed at a decent hour.

I will confess, I have an addictive personality.  If I start something, I go OCD and have to finish it.  Great for when I'm cleaning, terrible when it's a fictional book or TV show.  I had two shows that sucked me in.  I watched the rest of Season 3 of Downton Abbey and I did a marathon of The Big Bang Theory. 

How was I able to do this?  Jared was out of town all week and my kids go to bed early enough that TV would take up my evenings.  Downton Abbey killed me.  I cried myself to sleep.  The Big Band Theory is just strange in a humorous way.  It gives me a glimpse into all the nerdy gamer boys I know.  What a trip!  I must say, I'm not proud of myself.

On to February.  This month is associated with expressing love.  I am going to spend this month making a more conscientious effort to not only express my love for my family and friends but to make sure my thoughts are charitable as well (especially towards myself.... something for me to work on this month as well).

Maybe it's Winter blues, I don't know, but I am in a bit of a funk.  I miss the Sun, I miss fresh outdoor air that doesn't freeze my nose hair and burn my lungs (because it's SOOOOOO COLD!).  My children and I have been experiencing cabin fever.  February is the worst part of Winter in North Dakota.  The wind chill is brutal and everyone hunkers down and prays for it to pass quickly.

In my attempt to thrive in February, I will continue to work on improving my sleep and I will be expressing a lot of love and helping my children make more of an effort to express love to each other, their parents and friends.  This exercise will bring much needed warmth to our heart and souls. 

Story Time: Here's someone I love; my Michael.  This video was taken a couple weeks ago when he turned 6 months old.  He's rocking and rolling and hoping to start movin' asap. I got to say, this love of mine not only has my heart but he's captured the heart of his brother and sisters.  They can't get enough of him.  He can't get enough of their adoration.  I never realized the immense joy I would experience watching my children show love towards each other.  No words.  I'm so blessed.