In these past few months while my blog has been quiet, my heart, mind and soul have been doing a lot of serious self reflection. I wish I could say I was practically perfect. I wish I could say that the daily grind was a piece of cake for me but I'd rather eat cake then the daily grind at times. I'm painfully aware of my shortcomings and weirdness. For the most part I have embraced this part of myself. I'm okay being different. I just to be really good in my differences, if that makes sense.
Before I became a mother or was married, I had a lot of time for myself. I took time for myself. I went to the temple weekly and worship. I would go on lots of walks, sit on the grass and write in my journal, ponder and meditate on my life. I created places of refuge from the storms of life. The temple was my first sanctuary of choice and then I would either go on walks or drive somewhere secluded or go to my friend's house and visit with them.
I realize that I don't have a refuge from the storm since I moved here. The temple is 2.5 hours away so it isn't as often that I'm able to go. I've made an effort to go more often but it still isn't enough for me. I need time to let my head clear and allow my thoughts to sort themselves into something reasonable.
So as I've been practicing thriving and honestly struggling a lot this past year. I have learned a some things.
1) I started 2013 running faster than I had strength.
2) I biffed it and biffed it hard.
3) I was hit with a lot of painful physical, mental, emotional and spiritual trials that left me feeling more vulnerable than I have felt in a long time.
4) I believe the Lord allowed these experiences for a reason.
5) I learned that my priorities were off. I was busy keeping up this blog and only living to think of the next thing to blog about. The next goal to set for myself to blog about. Share what I know about alternative medicine on my blog and so forth. I was blog centric. I wasn't thriving. I wasn't living with the right focus.
6) So I have done more pondering, more praying, more journaling and self discovery. I've learned I have a lot to work on since I stopped caring for myself after getting married. I have thoughts and feelings I need to process in order to help myself heal inwardly.
7) I have called upon the grace of God to help me where I am weak. I have consciously strived to exercise more faith and trust in Him and his will for me.
8) I'm trying to make my home a place of refuge for myself. I want it to be a place I can always find peace from the storms of life. To feel peace even when my children are screaming. I want the spirit in my home.
9) I have gotten rid of a lot of things.
10) I have accepted help from friends.
11) I have allowed myself to feel more and subsequently cry a lot more and it is good. I'm healing.
12) I'm planning more things that nourish my heart, mind, and soul which will allow me to serve my precious children and husband with more energy and love.
I'm a work in progress. Post likes these make me uncomfortable because why would anyone want to read about this? It seems so blah.... but this is what I'm experiencing and I pray it'll uplift someone.
